Broken Dreams

Claudia/ 16 / Canada /

/

islannd:

lushmilk:

nuddily:

r-iviere:

I would love a boyfriend who took a lot of pictures, even though I don’t like pictures of me. Me doing something completely random and him saying “wait, wait wait. Stay right there!”And he takes his camera and while taking the picture he mumbles “beautiful”

yeah that would be nice

can we just take a moment and look at his cute face

he is so beautiful

(via discolor3d)

Please someone wake me up from this nightmare

“ I wanted to call you yesterday and ask how you are,
But I stopped myself,
Because once I know how you are,
I’ll want to know where you’ve been,
What you’ve been doing,
Who you’ve been doing,
It will break my heart,
Yet I still want to know,
Why it was so easy for you to walk away,
Why you hurt me the way you did,
How you could look me in the eyes while you broke my heart,
Did it ever occur to you that you were my everything,
My sun, my stars, my moon,
My very breath,
You told me you couldn’t breathe without me,
But if that’s true,
Why haven’t I seen an obituary for you?
If that was true, why didn’t you cherish me,
Adore me,
The way I adored you?
You’re eyes were so dark I got lost in them,
Your words so smart I couldn’t figure them out,
Your actions so painful I pretended they weren’t real,
How could you break me like that?
Treat me as though I was nothing when I gave you everything,
You took it all,
And now what do I have?
Nothing,
I don’t know how you did it,
Or why you did it,
Or if you were planning to do it the whole time,
But you made me forget myself,
You made me become something I never imagined I would,
How did you do that?
& how, even as my heart is broken,
Do you still manage to make me love you?
How is this fair? Sane? Possible?
I imagined forever for us,
Simple things,
Like waking up with you in the morning,
& coming home to you at night,
I imagined we’d marry some day,
Have a bunch of kids,
Be happy,
But was I ever really happy?
The fear of you leaving was too overwhelming,
The panic when you walked away too suffocating,
The constant feeling of inferiority too belittling,
We could never have worked,
Yet I hoped for you,
I didn’t even realise I wanted you to change,
Until it was too late,
& you’d already changed me,
I want to go back to the first night,
Live it one more time,
Because I don’t think I’ll ever feel anything,
As beautifully as I felt it then,
Because you took that away from me,
I don’t believe in pure, unadulterated love anymore,
I see lies in truths,
Pain in pleasure,
Fear in bravery,
Loss in wins,
I trust no words,
See no good,
I was fooled once,
Once was enough,
I will never hurt the way you hurt me,
I will never love the way I loved you,
I will never trust the way I trusted you,
I will rebuild my walls and God knows they’ll never come down,
Because what has it left me with?
Grief, loss, anger,
I’m so tired of missing you when you have no redeeming qualities,
I’m so tired of knowing I’d take you back in a heartbeat,
When you couldn’t even spare a heartbeat to think of me,
Everyday I realise more,
How little I meant to you,
& I wish I could hate you,
Demonise you,
But If I can’t see the demons in what you’ve already done,
How on earth am I ever going to?
I know I should have hated you when you first put your hands on me,
Or when I saw those messages,
When you’d put me down,
When you’d break me,
When you’d yell,
When you’d scream,
That time you picked up a knife,
When you’d threaten the people I loved the most,
When you’d stand me up,
Or hang up,
Or not call,
Or ignore me,
Or make me feel like I was literally losing my mind,
I know I know I know I should have,
But I couldn’t,
I can’t,
I don’t know if I ever will,
Because maybe I don’t really want to,
Maybe I just want to be in your arms,
With your tummy against my back,
And your breath against my neck,
I want our love to feel beautiful again,
I want it to be pure & unadulterated,
I want to see pleasure in pleasure,
Pain in pain,
Fear in fear,
Bravery in bravery,
Lies in lies,
Truths in truths,
I want to love you freely,
Without feeling as though I shouldn’t,
But more than anything in this world,
I want you to love me too. ”

—    (via thecuntwhisperer)